Sunday, January 6, 2008

Lift me out of this pit

" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

So many times I drown myself in my feelings. "I feel anxious. I feel out of control. I feel abnormal. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like a bad mother. I feel selfish. I feel, I feel, I feel..."

I tell my inner man this all day long. In my dialogue with myself I am persistant on pushing myself futher down. Do I want to do this to myself ? NO WAY! So why do I?

Why do I do it? Because there are days that I live by feeling and not by the Word of God. In the end it leaves me at the bottom of the pool trying to find my way back up for just one more life-giving breath. I have a desperate need to find freedom from my drowning feelings.

It's days like this that I bend my knee not to the one that can save but to the one that leaves me in a mess - myself and my feelings. Yes I bow to the idol of my feelings. How can I make it an idol? My feelings become an idol because I have made them bigger than God. Not that I mean to - one thing just leads to another and there I am on my knees saying "Poor me!"

So God, I must repent for I have been anxious for many things. Your Word does not say "Don't feel anxious." It says "Don't be anxious." The problem is when the feeling turns into a meditation, then an action. God, renew a right spirit in me. I turn from my feelings and turn to you and on my knees I go!

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slow down and just be

slow down and just be